Right now I am busy saying DISSERTATION! DISSERTATION! DISSERTATIOOOOOON! Sadly however, how much I complain isn't relative to how much work I actually do. Nevertheless, my proposal is done, and now all I have to do is actually research and write the whole thing. For the next three months. Without a break...

...

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And why haven't I had dinner yet? It's past eight o'clock! I can't believe I'm even procrastinating from making myself dinner!

Anyway.

1. Music of the moment at this moment is Seasick Steve. I listened to my parents play his CD at the weekend and then I came home and listened to Cut my Wings on repeat, non-stop, for the past 4 days. His music's pretty awesome if you're in an old-school blues sort of mood. My dad described him as 'very raw'; I'd describe him as 'a one-man, hobo, three-stringed blues band'.

2. Maybe because I've been listening to a lot of blues, or maybe because I ACTUALLY CAN'T STOP PROCRASTINATING OH GOD, I wrote a fanfic about Gundam00. As I'm sure you're aware, fanfic is not normally my thing; I think I may have posted fanfic here once before? But I can't actually leave Tieria this show alone D:

So, background: it is set 10 years after the end of the first season of Gundam00, which means that it contains SPOILERS for the end of the first season of Gundam00.

Title: 10 Years On
Summary: A small piece of Tieria introspection and a familiar face.

SPOILERS AHOY

It was years afterwards when Tieria had finally been able to put a name to it.

Love.

It’s funny how humans have names for such abstract concepts, for awkward bundles of feelings like this. At the time, Tieria hadn’t even thought to try to define it, hadn’t even realised it was something that could have a name, but he knows better now. With definition comes understanding. Love is important to humans.

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Sometimes Tieria is at odds with this statement, because he knows what comes with that loss; the feelings of emptiness, the sallow sickness that eats away from the inside out; and he thinks it would have been better if it had never happened, if he had never felt anything ever, if only to spare him from the torment of knowing. Lockon is never going to come back.

And sometimes Tieria worries because he realises that he doesn’t feel this way any more. The despair and the heartache aren’t nearly as strong as they once were. He can go for weeks without thinking about it, without thinking about him; and Tieria panics that one day he will forget completely. The only memento he has is a picture; it is fuzzy and speckled with interference, a still from a video feed from one of the cameras on board the Ptolemaios. Lockon is there in the centre of it; one hand paused mid-gesture, and his mouth twisted mid-sentence, but he looks happy. Tieria can’t remember why Lockon was happy in that picture, can’t remember what he was saying at the time, and with a sinking feeling in his stomach, Tieria realises that he can’t even remember what Lockon’s voice used to sound like.

But when Tieria stops and thinks about it rationally, he is glad that he fell in love, glad that it was with Lockon, because he knows that it was Lockon who planted the seeds of change within him. It’s been six years since Celestial Being’s resurgence, and Tieria has nothing to do with them now. He’s found somewhere to live, somewhere to work; he’s chosen society and society has accepted him. The lady in the corner shop smiles and chats to him when he buys his morning paper; the people he works with ask him if he had a nice weekend, and they take him out to lunch on his birthday; Tieria enjoys the company and he returns the favour. It’s taken years of learning and experience to get to this point, and none of it would have been possible without Lockon. With the aid of hindsight, Tieria is finally able to understand; Lockon was the foundation stone on which Tieria’s humanity was built.

They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, and they are right. Tieria acknowledges this, because now, after all the grief and discord, after everything, he is almost happy.

And so it is, that one day, as Tieria waits to pay for his morning coffee, he sees a familiar face. They both look startled as recognition sinks in, and all of a sudden Tieria wants to shout out his name; Allelujah Haptism. Allelujah Haptism! But he knows that his name isn’t going to be Allelujah anymore, just as his own name isn’t Tieria anymore. They pause, both trying to collect themselves. Allelujah looks different now; his hair has changed, and two mismatched eyes stare out from a careworn face. Tieria picks up his coffee and the cardboard is smooth and hot beneath his hands as he walks over. Allelujah fumbles a greeting and asks Tieria how he’s been. Tieria answers with a smile, before returning the question, and Allelujah looks so shocked that he can hardly keep his mouth closed. Tieria smiles again and takes his leave.

Yes, ten years on and Tieria is almost happy.

The next day, when Tieria goes to buy his morning coffee, Allelujah is there again. The coffee cup is hot under his hands once more as he walks over to start a conversation, and this time there are smiles on both their faces.