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So, I wasn't certain before, but there's no denying it now. Summer has arrived!

Woo! This end of May weather feels like August! It's warm but it's also breezy so it's not too hot. And my flatmate has finally turned off our central heating so I'm not boiling in the flat!

Oh, it's lovely. I seriously picked the right week to take off work. But my brain is so confused with this nice weather. I feel like I should be on holiday or something.

Things I want to be doing right now include:
- Eating chips on the beach with a wooden fork.
- Walking through some fields to look at some Roman ruins.
- Sitting and reading in the garden.
- Relaxing in the beer garden of an old country pub.

Unfortunately, I live nowhere near any beaches, fields, gardens or country pubs :(

But there are some summery things to do in London. Yesterday I went to Kensington Gardens with Deborah and one of her friends and we sat eating ice-cream and people-watching in the sun. Plus, I walked a long way in my new sandals and didn't get any blisters. Score!

Other things I did with Deborah included going to this bar. It's a very cool place. The decor is very retro and they played old-school jazz the whole time. Add to that the bunting on the street outside and it felt like you'd stepped straight back into the late-40s early-50s. The cocktails were cool too; they all came with fun extras, like bottles of pills to empty into the drink or exploding balloons. The one downside is that this place has no idea what to do with people that don't drink. I asked the guy serving us if they sold any non-alcoholic drinks and he looked at me as if I was mad. Not good, guys.

Speaking of bunting, it really is everywhere. It's almost impossible not to buy things that have union jacks printed on them. Even the haribo is patriotic! It's fun and quite retro to get swept up into this jubilympic madness. But, that said, there is something about excess patriotism that makes me feel a little nauseous.

For example, I started watching The Great British Story yesterday. It looks like it will be interesting and I really do like Michael Wood because he's so enthusiastic. Ugh, but the tone of the show was a little grating. No please, do tell me more about how British history is the bestest in the whole world and how we are special and amazing and... ick. Don't get me wrong, I find British history fascinating because I happen to be British myself, but I wouldn't class it as super-special and the best history in all the world. Seriously, take any people from anywhere in the world and their history will be just as fascinating! All history is interesting because all history is about people and people are inherently interesting. The British are not God's gift to the world, and it is precisely that sort of thinking that has made some of our history so unsavoury.

So, Michael Wood, I like you. I do. But can we tone down the patriotism a little? In fact, that goes to the whole country. We're not all in the BNP. Restrain yourselves.

Moving on...

Do you remember how I said I went shopping earlier in the week? Every year I seem to go shopping as soon as the nice weather appears and I buy loads of summer clothes that I then hardly ever wear because the weather quickly turns horrible and stays that way until winter :( Every year! You'd think I'd learn.

Ah well, it's still sunny at the moment, so it's still fine. Here are a couple of the outfits I got (all from New Look and H&M because their stuff is so cheap!)

Summer dress!

I like to call this one 'I AM NOT A LIBRARIAN'. (I love that cardigan. It's got rabbits on it!)

Lots of girly, flouncy stuff this time around. I honestly need to stop reading so many blogs dedicated to various girly Japanese fashions D:

Alright guys, that's it for today. I've got to go cook a pie.

Hi!

This is a quick post, to get me to blog things.

Contents:
1. My week
2. A plug
3. Some food
4. A game

***

1. My week

My week has been interesting in a few ways:
- I've had the last few days off work. It was great at the beginning but now I'm getting a bit bored. Whoops.
- I ordered a free Graze box because my Mum had a voucher. I haven't eaten anything from my box yet, but I did try a few things from my Mum's and they are tasty. A bit overpriced for a handful of snacks though. If you're in the UK and fancy a free trial box, let me know and I'll send you a code to use on the website (which may or may not work, since I cancelled my account after I got my free box because I am cheap like that.)
- I went shopping today and bought loads of clothes. Expect tedious photographs of outfits later.
- It's really hot. And we still have the heating on in the flat. Dear flatmate in charge of the heating: sort it out please!
- Oxford Street looks like someone's pissed bunting and union jacks all over it. It's almost like there's a massive national celebration coming up or something. No idea what that could be. Anyone? Maybe the Queen has opened a mug factory and that's why the shops are selling loads with her face on?

***

2. A plug

Check out Mariya on Pinterest! She posts some very pretty things.

I'm still not quite sure what pinterest is for. It is definitely pretty though. Given the speed with which I normally make social media accounts, I'll probably join pinterest in five years' time or so.

***

3. Some food

So I went to visit some friends and apparently, all I did was take photos of food.

First I went to see Theresa and Colin and their new baby person, Rosie! Rosie is very cute and she enjoyed the present I gave her (or rather, she enjoyed the carrier bag I'd brought it in), but I pretty much feel about babies the same way I feel about pinterest. They're new and confusing and a bit scary and I'm not quite sure what they're for, even though other people seem to like them. I always tend to find kids a bit more cute when they're old enough to talk to you. The good thing about babies though is that you can just stare at them and they'll stare right back. Take that adult eye-contact social conventions!

So, while I was visiting Rosie and her folks, Theresa and I went out to the cinema. And Theresa was very glad to actually go out and do something that didn't involve a screaming child for a while. We went to Cinema City in Norwich, which Theresa described as a more 'adult' cinema. Then she explained that by 'adult' she meant 'a bit more sophisticated than your normal Odeon' not, you know. Which is good really, because the film we saw only had one sex scene, so if this had been the other type of adult cinema, I would have wanted my money back!

Anyway, the important thing is that this cinema is in a fantastic building! Parts of it date back to the 14th century. Not normal cinema fare at all! Also we had dinner there, in a lovely wood-panelled room, and the bread came in a tiny bread tin. It was adorable. And tasty.

The week after that, I went out for a meal with my ex-colleagues from my old job. It was nice to see them all again, but the best part was when Chris ordered a 500g beef burger.

Here it is, hidden by chips. And, good God, it was huge in the flesh. 500g, guys. That's half a kilo of beef!

What was more astonishing was that Chris ate it all in the time it took us to eat our normal-people meals. Then he got free desert and almost managed to eat all of that too. He got a round of applause at the end of it.

***

4. A game

I am really really really late on this one. But I have just finished playing Professor Layton and the Curious Village.

I think it's a superb game. Everything about it is very well done. It looks like it's had a lot of money thrown at it (which explains why it's so expensive).

The puzzles were challenging and fun. And the music and character design were gorgeous. The best bits, though, were the animations throughout the game. They were an actual joy to watch. The only bad parts were the accents!

If you want to know more about the game, why not watch this handy summary (warning: may not contain actual in-game footage).

I spent this weekend at my cousin Jack's wedding. We didn't go to the actual ceremony, which was a very small affair, but we were invited to the large family dinner and dancing the day afterwards.

The most exciting part of the whole thing was the wedding cake. Here's a photo of it:

OMG. Look at it! That's no ordinary cake! It's cheese! It's cheese in the shape of a cake! (I want to call it a cheesecake! But it's not made of cheesecake! It's just made of cheese! Cake-shaped cheese!)

I think I may be very uncultured here, but I've never seen anything like it before :O

Now, I do like me some cheeses. Unfortunately, I don't like blue cheese, and the blue cheeses in this cake were so strong that all the other cheeses got tainted by it. Even the brie :(

That doesn't matter though. Look at it! Go on!

***

Janine enjoys historical things

In other news: I tend to consume historical-type stuff on a very frequent basis. Here are a couple of my recent favourites.

Meet the Romans with Mary Beard
Right. First I come clean.

The thing is: Roman stuff bores me. My parents go crazy over it but I've never managed to muster up the interest.

I think I have realised why. All the Roman stuff you come across here in the UK is either small country villas, military barracks, or if you're lucky, a bath house. And once you've seen one, it almost feels like you've seen it all. Oh look, underfloor heating. Woo :| Half of a mosiac :| :| This random lump in the grass used to be a temple :| :| :|

The UK was very much an outpost and you get the feeling that things were slightly cobbled together by the Romano-British people trying to live it up all posh like the Romans while actually living somewhere very far away and widely unimportant.

But! This show by Mary Beard! It's not about your everyday British Romans at all. It's about Rome! And not just about politics either but about the everyday lives of normal Roman people, living in the hustle and bustle of the largest city in the world (and there were a million people in that city, guys. That's huge for its time.)

Turns out, Romans in Rome are bloody exciting! The picture she paints is not of an orderly city but of a massive, rambling place that's filthy and noisy and alive, growing almost organically, and far closer to a shambolic medieval city than to the wide, spacious, clean cities of today.

I've got one more episode left to watch. I'm going to watch it with this expression :DDDD

And then I'm going to wish I can go back to Rome on holiday at some point because it is so pretty and so old and the ice-cream is so good.

The Time Traveller's Guide to Medieval England: A Handbook for Visitors to the Fourteenth Century
I didn't mean to read this book, guys. I didn't plan it. What happened was that sneaky Amazon sent me one of those 'You bought this and other people that bought this also bought this other thing, and we thought that if you liked that then you might like this other thing go on buy it go on go on' emails. I fell for it like a kipper. The title looked interesting, so I clicked through to the Amazon page, and then I read the extensive preview chapter, and then I realised that I wouldn't be able to live without this book in my life so I bought the ebook immediately and consumed it over the course of one weekend.

What's good about this book is exactly what's good about the Roman programme I've just talked about, only better. It's about everyday life in medieval England and what it would be like to live there. But not only that; it's written in a very vivid way. The author goes out of his way to describe things with a level of detail that is normally only reserved for fiction. You end up almost feeling like you're there.

From where to stay and what to wear and where to go and what to eat, this book pretends that you are going to visit medieval England and basically tells you what to expect when you arrive.

Let me give you an excerpt:

"It is the cathedral which you will see first. As you journey along the road you come to a break in the trees and there it is, massive and magnificent, cresting the hilltop in the morning sun. Despite the wooden scaffolding at its west end, the long 80ft high, pointed lead roof, with its flying buttresses and colossal towers, is simply the wonder of the region. It is hundreds of times bigger than every other building around it, and dwarfs the stone walls which surround the city. The hundreds of houses appear tiny, all at chaotic angles, and of different shades and hues, as if they were so many stones at the bottom of a stream flowing around the great boulder of the cathedral. The thirty churches - though their low stumpy towers stand out from the mass of roofs - seem humble by comparison."

For a weekend, I was almost there.

If you like history and you like medieval stuff, then go check out the preview pages on Amazon. Go on go on go on. It's fascinating.

The same author has written a similar book about Elizabethan England, which I will doubtless read at some point, but I know less about medieval stuff so I decided to pick up this one first :D

You know, I don't normally cry much when it comes to films and TV unless I'm really tired or it's The Lion King. But, do you know what? I'm not so tired at all and I just finished watching Julian Fellowes' Titanic and I am bawling like a baby!

This show didn't get very good reviews but I enjoyed it. Less soap-opera-y than Downton Abbey and also more tragic. I think it's the whole based-on-a-true-story, hundreds-of-people-actually-died-like-this part that really got me sobbing. Apparently, IRL, one of the first bodies they picked up when they went around collecting the dead afterwards was a baby D:

So, go on then. Here's the trailer: http://youtu.be/6b4Gc1JcunY

I love how in every dramatisation of the Titanic story, it has to start with people shouting: What!? We don't need that many lifeboats! We've got plenty! What's wrong with you, man!?
My, is that some foreshadowing?

If you're feeling too emotional and need a pick me up, have a look at French and Saunders' spoof, The Making of Titanic.

So, yes, with the centenary there's been lots of Titanic stuff around and it's been good to learn more about it, and also sad, but I'm kinda glad that we're coming to the end of it now, because whenever anybody mentions Titanic anywhere, I get that bloody My Heart Will Bloody Go On and On song stuck in my head. Every time! I blame it on my age. I was about 13 when the film came out, and when your school is filled with hundreds of rampant teenage Leonardo DiCaprio fans, it is impossible to escape that song. I can remember my friends singing it and crying. (Personally, I didn't see the film until I was about 21, so the whole hysteria was completely lost on me.)

Today, in 'Stupid things I try to convince my work colleagues are true!'
- Did you know that Celine Dion was Leonardo DiCaprio's stunt double in Titanic? That's why she's on the boat in the music video!

TV, you are currently being brilliant. Look what shows are on right now:

1. Twenty Twelve
The first series of this show was great. The second series may be even better. If you like fake documentaries that are as cringeworthy as they are hilarious, then this one is for you. It's about the team behind this year's Olympic games and the best bit might be how you can almost believe it's real.

Here's a clip. (I think this one might only work in the UK. Sorry, I could only find clips on the BBC channel. Give it a try though.)

One of my favourite quotes is a bit of PR-nonsense from Head of Deliverance, Ian Fletcher, when asked if the Olympics were facing mounting problems:
Well, problems are just solutions waiting to happen, so that's all good.

Also, since watching last week's episode, I can't stop saying 'Jubilympics' in Siobhan's accent. Jubilympics. Like she says, that word's a breeder.

2. Horrible Histories
Aaaah! There's a new series! I kinda love this show to pieces. It's a children's show and I don't care!

I would show you a clip from the new series, like the fantastic Wonders of the Universe spoof, oh god oh god. But the only clips from the new series that seem to be around so far are the songs.

Go on then. Watch this boyband-style song about the RAF. I didn't know I was a fan of moustaches until now D:

Since there aren't many new clips, let me spam you with some of my favourites from past series:
We Sell Any Monk
A Celtic rap battle
Danke Magazine
Aztec Come Dine With Me

You know, that thing where my list of 'things to blog about' gets so long that I get intimidated by it and then don't blog about anything at all.

Successful blogging: this is not what I'm doing.

So, to get over that, I've decided to ignore my 'things to blog about list' and instead tell you something completely different.

***

Things that happened this week:

There's a new company moving into the office below ours at work, and they've spent all of this week doing some building work. I think they're putting a new floor down or something. Whatever it is, it's resulted in a really annoying, almost constant, loud, grinding noise coming from the floor below us.

Every cloud has a silver lining though. The good part is that I've managed to convince my colleagues that this noise is, in fact, coming from a large, inter-dimensional portal that they're installing downstairs. If, of course, by 'convince my colleagues' you mean me shouting at them:

"Is there a portal downstairs? It sounds like a portal. You know, like a wormhole. Like one of those wormholes. And aliens will come out of it like in that film. You know, that film with the wormhole. And there's an army guy in it and that actor from that other show. Um, Stargate. It's like Stargate. There's probably a portal just like Stargate downstairs. Where do you think it leads to? Is it dangerous? I wish we had a portal in our office. Like a big vortex. I want to go in the vortex. Why can't I go in the vortex?"

Personally, I found it lots of fun. I think my colleagues may beg to differ.

Books

The Moon's a Balloon - David Niven
I finished reading this book a while ago and I have been meaning to write about it ever since. What it is is David Niven's autobiography. Now, I'm not normally a fan of autobiographies but my parents said I should give it a go because it was good. Having read it, I can confirm that this book is indeed good. And by good I mean hilarious.

Don't know who David Niven is? Doesn't matter. Read it anyway! If you're interested: he was an actor back in the day who very obviously had a talent for humour because I'm not sure I've laughed that much at a book in a long time. The beginning, where he talks about growing up between two world wars, is particularly funny. Once he gets to Hollywood it turns into a bit of a name-dropping game and I found it harder to keep up, but it was still great.

Seriously. Read this book!

The Hunger Games trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Thanks to Mariya for lending me these books! I didn't even realise there was a film coming out, so that's good timing.

My review of the first book is this: It's certainly not the best written book out there. Parts of it rub me the wrong way for reasons I don't quite understand. But! This book catches your attention! The whole thing feels quite cinematic and the plot really pulls you along. It was one of those books that I found hard to put down because I really wanted to know what happened next, but at the same time I felt quite guilty about feeling that way. In fact, I would describe this as being a very similar feeling to the one I had when reading The Da Vinci Code.

My review of the second two books is this: These books don't have anyway near the gripping plot of the first book. It's hard to read the first book as a standalone because it's clear that there's more story to tell, but it is also hard to read the second two books afterwards because they're not very good. Now, to be fair to the books, it was only when I was a good way through the third book that I came across them in a bookshop and realised that they are young adult books. Then I felt silly, because of course they're not going to be as complex and engaging as other books. But let me criticise them anyway, just for fun :D The worldbuilding leaves a lot to be desired, the plot contains no subtlety whatsoever and the writing, while not actively bad, is no delight to read either. Not to mention the fact that I failed to become emotionally invested in any of the characters and found the main character actively unlikeable (although I think that was what the author was going for). That said, the books did redeem themselves with the ending when they proved themselves to be a bit more complex than I'd originally given them credit for.

In conclusion: The author does action well, which makes the first book quite a page turner. The rest is meh. Maybe it'd be best to skip the books and just watch the film.

***

TV

Noel Fielding's Luxury Comedy
I was planning on writing a review for this while the show was still airing, but it turns out that I had to watch and absorb the whole series before I felt ready to pass judgement.

To be honest, I still don't know what to make of it.

I think Noel Fielding is a funny man with a superb and mad imagination, but this show is no Mighty Boosh. It was all amusing, yes. And it was all interesting; my attention was rapt for the whole half hour each time. But it wasn't all funny.

There were bits that were funny, like anything with Secret Peter (sorry for the poor quality of these clips, they're all YouTube has got), Tony Reason or Fantasy Man.

There were bits that were amusingly surreal, like Daddy Push or Jeremy Beautiful Chest.

But there were also bits that were surreal and not funny and, Jesus, do we need that many rape jokes in the show? I don't think we need that many rape jokes in the show.

Conclusion 1:
Not as funny as The Mighty Boosh but captivatingly surreal all the same. By the last episode, I was almost beginning to get it.

Conclusion 2:
I've taken a liking to some of the music:
Tutting Mountains
Mash Potato Life Shapes

Conclusion 3:
Anyone else think that Bryan Ferry's kite for a head (pictured here with Tony Reason) looks a bit like Sherlock Holmes?

MasterChef
This is less of a review and more of a guilty admission. I got very caught up in this year's series of MasterChef. And I mean caught up to the point where I was dreaming about it on an almost nightly basis. Oh dear. Oh dear. It is a fun show though, because it is completely over the top. I am highly amused by the intense, dance music-fuelled cooking sequences, and by Gregg Wallace. Sadly, I don't have any clips of him from this series, but here's an older clip of him getting excited about some balls.

Also, if you haven't ever heard the buttery biscuit base song where have you been?

***

Music

The Twelves
The other week I excitedly remembered that The Twelves existed and went on a romp to go listen to some of their remixes that I hadn't heard before. Happily, I found that they're just as good as I remember them. Oh, sparkly electro disco. The Twelves, this is why I love you:
Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club (The Twelves Remix)
Sound Of Love - Husky Rescue (The Twelves Remix)

Oh hi! I haven't been around much recently. Which is mostly because I've been on holiday.

Last weekend, Steve, Heather and I flew over to Frankfurt to see Nick, and Linda drove across from Luxembourg too. The reason for the trip was to celebrate Nick's birthday but not Steve's (because celebrating birthdays early in Germany is unlucky and bad). Sorry, Steve, but you probably wouldn't have enjoyed a birthday party anyway.

Song of the weekend:
Baby by Justin Bieber (because someone was kind enough to give Nick a hardback Bieber biography as a birthday present. I am the best friend, I know.)

Time to recap our trip in a very image-heavy and text-light way because a picture is worth a thousand words, right? And it's late in the evening.

Frankfurt is called Bankfurt because it has a lot of banks in it, including the European Central Bank here, which is in the shape of a Euro. Nick didn't believe that Frankfurt was nicknamed Bankfurt, but it was on a sign at the Occupy Frankfurt protest so it must be true.

This is the main touristy square in Frankfurt which is close to the cathedral with the big dong (IT'S GOT A LOUD BELL OK GUYS). The buildings in this square look old but they're all lies. Unfortunately, Frankfurt got severely bombed in the Second World War so there's hardly anything around that pre-dates the 1950s.

Here is the Museum for Communication. We never went in because you have to pay and we are cheap, but it had an awesome robot on a horse outside so we all stopped to take photos.

That evening we had a red wine fondue with pork and beef (which were tasty) and shallots (which no-one enjoyed). Afterwards, we sat down for story time and Nick told us about the ups and downs of his love life, with the aid of a handy graph and also this music. It was very emotional. We were all seriously moved.

The next day we went to Bad Homburg, which is a pretty little spa town. We didn't find the statue of a rabbit that we were looking for, but we did find a schloss. This one was built by some duke or something? Idk. Nick wasn't able to furnish us with this information.

Inside the schloss was a tower that was (if I remember correctly) built in the 17th century. I think that's a statue of the duke in the tower. Here you can see Steve appreciating it.

Then it was time for traditional German food nearby. The place we went to had lots of stags heads on the wall. They were tiny stags too! I had the schnitzel and potatoes. Heather was all up for the sauerkraut until she got some and realised what it was.

That evening we went out on the town. I wore high heels for the first time in weeks (hooray!) and we went to a club that played electro swing. I might make another post about electro swing later. I'd never heard of it before, but it sounds a bit like this and it's quite possibly the best thing I've heard in a club ever. Dancing to it was seriously fun. Unfortunately, the club was very hot and very smoky so we couldn't stay for long because it was making us all feel ill :(

The next day we said goodbye to Linda and then went for a walk. On the route was a memorial to green sauce, a local Frankfurt delicacy. Apparently, in this case, 'memorial' means 'row of empty greenhouses next to a field'. Who knew?

The walk took us along the River Main. In the background you can see where they're building the new headquarters of the European Central Bank. I'm not quite sure why they're moving. It could be because that giant Euro has just gotten too small for them, but I like to think they're moving to get away from the occupy protest.

The rest of the day was filled with eating and taking impromptu naps because we were all quite tired from the day before.

On our final day we went for a walk in the woods. It was very nice until we almost got lost. Then Nick turned on the GPS on his phone and we realised that we were only a few metres from where we were supposed to be. Note for the future: use the bloody GPS!

In the woods there was a playground with swings and slides and everything, which we all played on because we are good at acting our age. There was also a maze. Heather and Steve got to the middle of the maze first. You can tell how enthralled Steve was about this.

Earlier in the holiday, when Steve was falling asleep in a café, this happened.
Nick: Steve, are you tired?
Steve: No, I'm just bored.

Well, then. Although we hadn't started listening to Bieber at that point, so maybe it was a fair assessment.

And that's all we did on our trip (well, there might have been other stuff, but I don't have photos of it so I've forgotten).

Before I go, a special mention (feel free to play this music again, guys) a special mention has to go to Malibu, who we met in Nick's flat. You might think that Malibu is a fridge, but no, Malibu is a cupboard that just looks like a fridge. I think Malibu has a special place in all our hearts.

Until we meet again, Malibu. Until we meet again.

Foot Update

I am still hobbling around in trainers. But at least I am now hobbling faster. Success! I think the pain is going too. I can walk well enough that I've now said 'screw you' to the bus and have started walking to the tube station again. Ah, it's so nice to be able to walk during my morning commute, even if it does hurt. Having to take twice the amount of public transport in the morning was giving me twice the amount of public transport-related rage.

Also, the swelling is going down. There's now a hint that I've got some ankle bones in there somewhere! Good. Let's just ignore the odd bruising for now though; I'm sure it's fine.

***

Tiger Update

So, the tiger apparently got tired of living in the kitchen. I came home one evening to find it staring at me from a darkened room:

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS GAME IS. But, at least, in there it's less scary in a shocking way; now it's just scary in an insidiously creepy way. Good job, tiger.

Normally this room, which is my flatmate's spare room, is kept in the dark, but I got home a few days ago to find that the lights were on.

Ten minutes after that, I realised that I'd actually started singing an impromptu song to myself with the lyrics: 'Tiger's got the lights on. Tiger's got the lights on. Tiger's got the lights onnnn. Tiger. Tiger. Tiger. Tiger.' (It was quite a good song actually, but maybe you had to be there.)

***

Street music

This is a list I've compiled. It's a list of songs I have actually heard on the street because someone thought it would be fun to play them super loud on their car stereos.

Doctor P - Tetris Dubstep
I heard this one on the way home from work this evening. I had no idea that a dubstep version of the Tetris theme was an actual thing until tonight. In fact, when it started, I didn't realise it was dubstep, there was just this really loud tetris music playing. It was kind of cool for a moment. Then the baseline suddenly kicked in and, Jesus, it was so ridiculous that I was left giggling to myself on the pavement. I actually can't listen to this song without laughing; I think I might actually enjoy it.

Orbital - Doctor Who
This one was a couple of months ago. Just imagine the scene: It's 8:45am on a cold morning. At the side of the road is a nondescript white van. And coming from the van is this song so loud that you can hear it halfway down the road. I laughed at this one too. I just loved the fact that somewhere inside that van, there were a couple of white van men who thought that before nine in the morning was the perfect time to rock out hardcore to a dance remix of the Doctor Who theme tune. I don't even know any more.

Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child
Ok. I actually heard this one about four years ago, but it was so epic that I still remember it. I was walking down the road, minding my own business, when suddenly this intro started playing. It was so loud that I didn't even realise where it was coming from; the sound just seemed to be everywhere. For a good few moments, I actually thought that I was having a bit of a turn, and that my life now had a soundtrack, and that that soundtrack was awesome. It was only later that I realised it was coming from a van that was sitting at the traffic lights. But those few moments of ignorance were the best few moments of my life, guys. I'll never be as cool as that again.

***

Humour

Man, I've been reading some random blogs of people who are funny, including one person who's hilarious and only 17. I am so so jealous of all their talents. Seriously.

So, I have decided that my internet persona needs to be more amusing. Unfortunately, I don't have the energy to actually think up jokes and stuff, so what I'll do is just end my sentences with the following emoticon: XD
This will be your cue to pretend that I've just said something funny and laugh about it. Ok? Ok XD

I've been gone a while. Sorry about that. I was busy doing things. Here, have a list of all the things I was doing.

Contents!
1. James and Eppa's housewarming
2. Snow weekend
3. Mysterious animals
4. Then the pain
5. Musical accompaniment

***

1. James and Eppa's housewarming
This was a cheap and cheeful housewarming party involving fish and chips, pissing in a flaky bathroom, the macarena, and a train-station-to-train-station trek through central London.

Also, completely to my surprise, I realised that I have now hooked Heather and Eppa onto caramelldansen. When two people, who you'd always thought were sensible, normal people, suddenly, and with no external prompting, start doing the caramelldansen dance, it is a moment of triumph :D

So, there was plenty of YouTubing, in which we watched the video in question. (It's nearly on its way to 40,000 hits now. Holy Moly.) Then we watched the lovingly-made mash-up, which I am really quite partial to (good call, to whoever made it). Subsequently, we all spent the rest of the weekend humming Barbara Streisand. I'm sorry, guys D: but it was also really fun.

Oh, yeah. We went and had a look at how the Shard Building is progressing too.

It's so tall! And so exciting! I'm a fan. When this beast is finished, I'm going to see if I can't go up it.

2. Snow weekend

Last weekend we finally had some snow! I went to the Saatchi Gallery with Susan just before the heavens opened. I did enjoy getting some culture, but the artwork there didn't catch my interest as much as on my previous visits. Shame.

The snow was fun though. I got to wear my new wellies. Then it melted. Hooray! Let's hope it doesn't come back. Snow, you are fun but also well annoying.

3. Mysterious animals

So, this appeared in my kitchen the other day.

I asked my flatmate about it, who told me that he'd found it up a tree :|

The most disconcerting thing is the fact that I kept forgetting it was there. For about two days I jumped each time I went into the kitchen. (I think maybe I am more scared of tigers than I first realised.)

4. Then the pain

You know, if you want to make things extra embarrassing, then you wait until all the snow has melted before you fall over. And for the place to do it, you decide to choose the middle of a busy crossing, in front of all the pedestrians and the drivers. And if you really really want some embarrassment, don't think of a good reason to trip, just fall off your own high heels. Yeah. That'll do it.

So, I sprained my ankle on Tuesday. In the middle of a pedestrian crossing, just as the lights were about to change. One minute, I was walking along, the next, I was on the floor. Because I didn't relish the thought of being run over, I scrambled up and dashed across the rest of the road. Then I stood at the side of the pavement thinking 'Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. It hurts. I can't walk. I can't walk. I'm stranded.'

Luckily, it wasn't too bad a sprain and I could walk on it. Ok, well, hobble. I could hobble on it. So I hobbled to the bus stop and then I hobbled home. And I've been hobbling ever since. And my ankle has swollen up. And apparently these things can take weeks to heal.

Paracetamol-ed up, in my grotty trainers and elasticated ankle support, I am so graceful right now, guys. Like a butterfly!

Ah, but today I don't have to leave the house or walk anywhere. I am taking a breather and it's amazing.

Thankfully, I also have my new hobby to keep me occupied. Guys, if you're ever bored, just try reading your spam emails out loud in funny voices. What am I doing with my life? It is worth it.

5. Musical accompaniment

This section is for Steve (if you're reading) and anyone else who might share my taste in music. Here are some of the songs I've got on repeat right now:

Duck Sauce - Barbara Streisand
Justice - Newlands
The Rapture - How Deep is Your Love?

This week, I've been mostly weaning myself off Sherlock by watching Stargazing Live.

Did you know that pretty much all the stars and everything you see in the night sky are part of the Milky Way? I didn't because I'd never really thought about it before (and now I feel like an idiot). But when you consider it:
Other galaxies are really far away. So far away that you can only see one other galaxy from the northern hemisphere, and it looks about the size of any other star in the sky. So of course the only stars that are close enough for us to see properly are the ones in the Milky Way.

Blew my mind.

In non-serious news, my Dad and I were doing impressions of Prof Brian Cox the other day. Here's my Dad's:
If I take these tic tacs and throw them on the floor, there's more stars in the sky than that. And that's amazing.

Tell it like it is, Brian. Tell it like it is.

The best bit about Stargazing Live though is that it is live, so Brian gets to rant about why no-one should believe in ridiculous conspiracy theories and superstitious nonsense, and nobody can do anything to stop him :D
For example: this gif.

How refreshing to see some sense on prime time TV. Brainy really is the new sexy.

Spoiler-free review:
This episode may have been written by the same person who wrote The Blind Banker but do not fear. The Reichenbach Fall is far better. It is perhaps even my favourite episode of the second series. So there you go.

WARNING WARNING: SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT
Click read more for my meandering, spoilery review:

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Spoiler-free review:
This episode was more simple and tighter in terms of plot than A Scandal in Belgravia. Still lots of fun though!

Click through if you want to read an embarrassing, spoiler-laden review of the episode.
WARNING: SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT.

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Hi! I said I owed you a massive Christmas post, so here it is.

I hope you all had a good Christmas and a happy new year! Mine was good, although it was subdued a little due to two deaths in my extended extended family. I only met them both once or twice and they both had good innings at around 80 years old, but it still hit a lot of my family quite hard. It just goes to show how important it is to have a celebration at this time of year. You can only imagine what it must have been like thousands of years ago when these traditions first started. Winter is hard as anything, so it's good to have something to look forward to. Christmas and other mid-winter festivals are basically humanity's way of saying 'Keep Calm and Carry On'.

For me, this year, Christmas started when Nick, Steve and Heather came to London and we all stayed with James and Eppa for some fun times.

On one of the days, we went on a nice walk through South East London. It was meant to be a 'transport tour' but this is the only piece of transport we encountered all day.

It's a train carriage and also a cafe. Apparently. After walking all the way to Deptford to find it, we realised that the cafe was closed for the day. Also, the weather was rainy and horrible and we had some really disappointing soup in another cafe, but other than that it was really good, guys!

Chilling in James and Eppa's place afterwards. We all drank lots of cranberry juice because apparently it's healthy for your fanny.

Then we had a cheese evening.

Here's the spread. Quite impressive, I think you'll agree. What this photo doesn't show is the pièce de résistance, which was a Camembert that had been baked in the oven. Dipping apple slices into that was heavenly. I still think back on it with fond memories.

The remains, once we'd gorged ourselves.

In other food news, Eppa made us poached eggs on crumpets for breakfast. I had never even conceived of this as a thing before, but let me tell you, it was good. If you've never had poached eggs on crumpets before, I urge you to try it.

Post-cheese, there was much karaoke-ing. This was massively fun for Nick and I, and massively annoying for everyone else. (Sorry guys, but I was having too much fun to shut up.)

Then, somehow, it was Christmas eve. I packed up all my stuff and took the train back to my home-town to go stay with my parents for a week.

It was nice to be back. After moving out of my home-town earlier this year, I hadn't been to visit for about 4 months. I got to catch up with some old work friends too, which was good.

Also, there was much visiting of family. I have a pretty large family of various grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, so this took up a fair amount of time. One of the days involved a family walk through the cold countryside.

My Granddad (on my Mum's side) with two of my cousins.

This house that we came across looked rather fabulous. I loved the way those steps suddenly stop at the water. I don't know if the water is meant to come up that far, but I think it gives the place a rather run-down, romantic look.

The rest of the time at home was spent with my parents watching a glut of Christmas TV. Some of the highlights included:
- Tony Robinson's Gods and Monsters - This was a little unnecessary in parts (like forcing Tony to sit in a bath of entrails in order to imagine what it would have been like for some Celts) but it was still interesting. I love learning about old folklores and customs. The part about corpse mutilation to stop bodies coming back from the dead was particularly fascinating.
- Great Expectations - This new adaptation from the BBC was really good. I read the book a couple of years ago and I think it was captured very well and very faithfully here. It's a great story. Oh, and it looked gorgeous too. There's not much I like better on my screen than some old-school costumes. Ohoho.
- Royal Institution Christmas Lectures - I watch these every year with my parents. Despite the fact that they're aimed at children, they are always interesting for a more mature audience as well. This year we learnt a little about how brains work. Brilliant.
- Still Ringing After All These Years: A Short History of Bells - Ok. So I watched this one slightly before Christmas, but I want to talk about it anyway. Over the past year or so, I have come to realise that anything presented by Richard Taylor will be fascinating. This show was no exception. A history of bells might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it was mine. He talked about how bells used to serve a very religious purpose before gaining other uses, so they're still seen as being quite mystical. And their magical properties are so ingrained in our culture that, even today, if you hear a lone bell tolling it can be really quite spooky.

There were more programmes, of course, like Downton Abbey and Doctor Who and something about some sort of private detective and his doctor friend having adventures across London (I forget the name) but if I listed everything I watched over the Christmas period, we'd be here for hours.

Christmas over, I headed back to London for New Year's Eve. I'm afraid I didn't take any photos of this, so you're going to have to put up with text text text :D

I went to see Deborah, and together with a large number of her friends, we went to the flat of another of her friends in Dalston. The flat was new and really nice. As a bonus, it had a roof terrace, which meant that we all piled out there to watch the fireworks at midnight. It was a great view, but we came to discover that there are problems with being so high up on New Year's Eve. Namely, flying Chinese lanterns. I didn't realise they were dangerous until we had a run in with two of them. If the night is slightly windy, they don't just go straight up, they also go across and down and all over the place. One came careering right towards my head D: If I was a couple of inches taller I think I could have some nasty burns right now. Of course, it's only after the event that you stop and think, 'Hold on, that was actually quite dangerous'. At the time, I was fine. After midnight we headed back down into the flat and celebrated the new year with some 90s dance tunes. (As you do when you're well into the second decade of the 21st century. We're so down with the kids. Rock on.)

Incidentally, you know those times when you instigate a huge Whigfield dance-off only to realise, after a few minutes, that only two of you are dancing and everybody else is watching with a vague mix of admiration and horror? What do you do??? Keep on dancing until the speakers break! That's what you do!

And it's hard to talk about Christmas without talking about Christmas presents. Let's go.

Once again, Maryia outdid herself with a parcel of lovely things. Here are just a couple of them:

This necklace is quite rock-chick, I think. I like to wear it with my big leather belt and some knee-high boots.

This is lots of fun. It looks like a bunch of grapes but they're actually made of soap! Very cute, and they smell lovely too.

When it came to presents, my Mum was very big on giving warm, cosy things this year. I always feel the cold, so warm, cosy things are a-ok with me!

This may look like a big, black scarf, but it is, in fact, a snood. I love it to pieces. It's warm and looks great and I've already worn it more times than I can count.

Who's rocking the house with Sarah Lund inspired socks? I am! Seriously, I am going to solve so many crimes in these socks. Watch me go!

I bought these boots in the new year sales, but they're not what I want to show off. Those fluffy bits on top? They're detachable! Another present from my parents, these. They fit on any boots and instantly make them five times more fabulous.

In other news, I got some books! I've never read Gone With the Wind or seen the film, so that should be something to look forward to (I'm assuming it's good otherwise it wouldn't be so famous).

The Hark a Vagrant book is possibly one of my most favourite things right now. Jokes and history and comics = all my favourite things! I particularly enjoy the Nancy Drew comics. This Nancy will stop at nothing to solve mysteries, even if they're all in her head. I love how, with each set of comics, Nancy grows more delusional.

So, that's it. The first week back at work is over, and it's already getting stressful! But that doesn't matter, because there are good things too. Like arranging a holiday to go to Frankfurt later in the year (so excited!) and more Sherlock and a literal video version of The Hobbit trailer and this:

This is my poinsettia. I bought it for Christmas last year. They normally only last for about a month, and any plants in my care normally last less than that. But look! It's still going! It's about a year and a month old and it's still alive! It even survived the move to London :D

Keep rocking, poinsettia. Keep rocking.

Let me review the new Sherlock episode in a non-spoilery way:
It was good!

Right, now that's out of the way, let's go into a little more detail. WARNING: SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT.

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